i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
