If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
