Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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