brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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