Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
