I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
