dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
