stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
