Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
