Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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