Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
