We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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