i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
