Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
