i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
