That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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