just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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