The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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