my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
