It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
