The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
