i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
