i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
