Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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