in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
