i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
