Do you still have your period?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
