About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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