So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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