You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
