all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
