Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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