***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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