it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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