marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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