Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
