I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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