i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
