did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
