They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
