She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
