I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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