ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
