i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
