By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
