did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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