Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
