I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
