I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
