Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
