I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
