I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
