The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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