so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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