i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
