remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
